Chapter 2: Private Messages and "Friending"

So if I'm not supposed to approach people on their pages, how do I talk to them?

Short answer: By making them a "contact". This is sometimes referred to as "friending" on social networks. To protect members from the kind of noise found in your gmail inbox these days, the "friend" was invented. You can send a private message to someone who is your contact.

To become a contact, you need to request friend status by going to the person's member profile and clicking on "Add as a contact". This sends a request to the member. This is a crucial mechanism you need to understand clearly. You should include a brief message explaining why you want to contact the person. It's also wise to actually look at the profile and think about whether you want this person as a part of your network. If your motivation is building a mailing list of contacts, think twice, it is not a recommended practice on this network. In fact, I can't imagine indiscriminate "friending" passing for normal behavior on any network.

When you receive a contact request from someone, review this person's profile, look at their contacts and consider whether you really want to be in "their network". Remember, there is no stigma associated with a refusal, it's just a "no thanks". No good will come from having a large number of contacts that you do not qualify in some way.

Again, the friend/contact thing is widely misunderstood on social networks. All it really does is:

• open a channel for private messages (you can then go to email if you feel comfortable with that)
• allow a level of restricted access (you can set your photos and blog to be visible only by contacts, for example)
• loosely associate you with others (you really want to be Stalin's friend?)

Please note: being accepted as someone's contact does not mean they want to be on your mailing list. I recommend that you not send mass mailings to your contacts using the network, except if you are a group owner. Regardless, there is a "block messages" feature on every profile page.

If you feel someone has abused the contact mechanism, block them from further contact. If you feel it is something the network owner should know about, use the "report a concern" link at the bottom of the page.

These are my suggestions, based on a long history of using the network platform upon which OWC has been built. In a more general sense, this is a small world we live in online. Yet another advantage of tools like Twitter is how much they reveal about the person "tweeting". Follow what OWC members say on Twitter for a while. You'll soon see who says what and it should help you decide whether networking with them will be fun and useful.

• Chapter 1: "My Page"
• Chapter 2: Private Messages and "Friending"
• Chapter 3: Forum Posting
• Chapter 4: Groups
• Chapter 5: Media